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The adventurer in me is terrified. I want to expand and explore and see all the beauty, and I want someone beside me to push me past the uncomfortable.

What is that? What is that fear of pushing forward alone?

I want the fear within me to be excitement. Is the only way for that to be is to source it from somewhere else, someone else? I want to suggest something wild and then be whisked away to do it, by him because he fucking loves the idea and would have never thought to do it and immediately feels the energy once he's shown that it is possible. I feel like I'm always half way there because I'm missing the other half, the doer to my wild desire. A place where we push, propel, extend that in each other that we only dreamt about as one before.

I saw a beached jellyfish today. The essence of my "him"

wanted to pick up a stick and poke it, find out if it was still alive, explore it, dissect it, get to know it. I just took a snapshot in my mind and moved on. Is that all that I am? Observant but not mesmerized?

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