Another Compensatory Shift

I'm at the place of un-comfort. I have been here for a few days now. I know this because my pattern of distraction has kicked in full force and this morning I can see it clearly.

I do distraction differently than I used to. It brings about doubt and anger, with a large side of irritation within and outside of my body.

There has been a 180 shift from presence in paradise to wanting to cocoon in my AC all day. I choose the struggle to ease the energy shift. My life is shifting dynamically. My energy is shifting dynamically. My body is louder than ever. And my mind has no idea how to process it or function.

Social media, podcasts, isolation, and choosing the hardest and hottest route are my biggest distractions. All of the energetic glee contracts when this outside noise shows up. Because it is comfortable. Because it is entrained.

It doesn't make sense that all the noise is easier because it's comfortable.  It doesn't make sense that all the noise is easier because I've heard it before. It doesn't make sense to choose the noise when the silence is so fulfilling.

There is this feeling of resistance of the tension, the unknown, the excitement even. Yes, I resist excitement and resist fun as I resist presence.

The awareness that I am fighting the new, that I am just on the edge of knowing it deeply and that my protection mechanisms of distraction are keeping Me at bay is deafening. The awareness is where I can see other choices. The awareness is where I know I'm on the other side. The awareness is where I can finally relax into allowance of what is ready to come.

And then she came over and snuggled. Proof of the shift, perfectly.